again....

ok... i know shldnt be blogging again.. but i got all sentimental reading other ppl's blog...

xiqian asked me if i miss him...
i do...
but well, what can i do rite? except to move on with me life?

my mentor asked me today if i have a bf...
i said no...
he said nowadays my generation dun take relationships seriously...
and i thought of him...

is it that i dun take things seriously enough and thus let go of a person who i could rely on previously?
is it that i'm a "playger" and decided to look elsewhere?
i dun think i am.. but u guys may tell me otherwise... or maybe he will tell me that i am...

i'm trapped in this alone feeling and environment now....
it's probably not a good idea to stay in hall and think abt all these things...
but it cant be help...
i'm too restless now to do other things... working take away my physical energhy.. but not the huge amount of traffic thinking in my mind.... my mind is working in all kind of directions... it's too active for my own good...

i need to keep myself busy with things to stop my brain from functioning...
the shipyard is a good place bcoz i need to keep myself away from all the hazardous situations and dun have the time to think about other things... but after work it's another story already...

i feel kind of sad that we cant stay as friends... and the fact that u blocked me hurt me to the max... but oh well, i deleted u instead... i really cant stand looking at the same nick over and over again.. and then there's the fact that u brought the new friend to the same shop to make the same item cuts me worst... i cant stand the sight of little bryan anymore that i've tucked it into some deep cabinet... i almost wanted to mail it back to u and ask u to dispose of it... but i din of coz... i was looking for my earrings and saw the rings that used to show our relationship... tried to wear it again but realise they no longer mean a thing... there's so many things surrounding me that reminds me of u... i wish i have the strength to throw them all away instead of still keeping them... the movie tickets, the teeshirts, the songs u sent me, the pictures the everything and everything...

i kept myself really cheerful in work... i smiled at everyone i see... i tried to interact with all the nice ppl who came to talk to me... i tried to find work to do and do them happily... my mentor assistant was amazed that how happy i can be to help him do just a little work... i was humming away to myself while working.. he tot i'm a workaholic...

i want to believe that i am a workaholic too... but deep down i know i'm not... yes i do all my work seriously... i try my best not to screw things up... but i'm really a slack person... yet now i cannot slack... i cannot slack coz i cannot stop myself from thinking...

lokman told me that it's going to hit me really badly later coz i din feel the hurt immediately after the breakup... she's right~ it hit me now... but i cant help that my way of dealing of it is to smile even more widely to the rest of the ppl around me... i can only hope for more acceptance by being the obedient ger at work... i threw myself into a totally foreign environment.. i had to learn to deal with the other gender that i had problems dealing with last time..
just in case u all din realise, i came from gers sch and i'm really shy to talk to guys unless the situations forces me to... and i guess now my workplace really forces me to...

it's kind of sad isnt it.. when ur whole office is full of crushable guys but u're just not interested... coz everytime a twinny little thought of having a crush leads u to thinking abt the first cut u have... and having a crush is not like a plaster that u could paste over the wound...
hahaha... i think all the gers muz be wanting to bash me up already... how can i not be interested when my workplace got so many cute and attractive guys... not to mention that those who are cute are the really fit ones too... hahaha... but i think when robson reads this he muz be thinking wat the hell am i talking abt... it's all old uncles wad... hmmm... muz stress that even though i'm not considering anyone, i still haven lost my keeness to look at pretty things... hahahhaa...

i talking off point now... meaning i'm too tired to even type le...
i need more activities to my life... not just work work work...
probably that will help me move on better...
it's weird how i started like really sentimental but end up with such brainless talk...